RELATIONSHIP TIPS


 

How We
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Daniel & I will be celebrating our 11yrs together (1yr married) this Wednesday so here’s a little story about how we first met. It was definitely not love at first sight. In fact, we did not get along when we first met. My tomboy personality really shined during my high school years so I hung out with more boys than girls. Being surrounded by boys all the time got me use to having all the attention & so when I met Daniel I was confused & a little angry why he did not give me any attention. I sound suck up I know LOL I didn’t have a lot of boyfriends, I just had a lot of guy friends cause lets be honest, guys back then are less drama which is where I fit in best. 

The day I met Daniel, I came straight from Vietnamese language class where we studied the voice over exam response from the student that came first in state (for Vietnamese Language Studies) for the previous year. We were even handed a news article with a photo of that student to read. Little did I know that student was Daniel who I was going to meet in less than an hr after class. I thought he looked familiar & so I used that as an ice breaker to start a conversation because Daniel was so reserved. “Have we met before? You look very familiar”. He took a quick look at me, turned away & said “nope”. 2 months later we saw each other again & started hanging out. We got along like cat vs dog, we did not like each other at all. We spent most of the time just roasting & annoying the shit out of each other so there was always a level of excitement when seeing each other & from this enjoyment.. we grew very fond of one another. So you see, opposites really do attract after all.

We went to the same University, attended each other’s graduation, taken many road trips, traveled overseas, done charities, purchased properties, picked each other up after every fall, supported every dream, cheered every triumph.. Over a decade together & still very much in love. So here’s a few relationship tips on how to maintain a strong, stable & healthy romantic relationship.

 

 

 

Relationship
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(Wendy) Don’t Fuss About Money

Don’t let money get in between you & your partner. When we first dated we took turns paying for meals, dates, gifts, family outings etc. & was never calculative. When we were confident enough we opened a shared bank account. Whenever necessary, we always sit down to discuss financial proposals & make decisions together. Once done & settled, we made the rule to not debate about it later to avoid complications that may arise. Sometimes it can be tough, but we just got to remind ourselves that at some particular point in time we both made the decisions that we did together & that way money doesn’t get the better of us both. 

I know working towards a finacially stable future together is important, but don’t let the idea of it consume you. There was a time where Daniel worked his butt off & stressed so much about our finance with the mindset of building a comfortably life together until I told him that more money just means more problems & I don’t need more money to feel happiness in  our life together. It made me love him so much more, but I never desired fancy things. I was happy & I wanted him to live as if the world would end tomorrow. He did & we’ve been much happier since.

 

(Daniel) Give Attention, Show Affection & Appreciation 

It’s always nice to show your partner that you appreciate them for being in your life. You don’t even need to say those 3 words, actioning it means so much more. A simple kiss on the cheek, a hug from behind, a cuddle in public, a “thank you” here & there, give completely attention when needed.. all these little gestures make a huge difference in how the heart & mind feels at the end of the day.

Daniel barely ever compliments me because apparently I “look good all the time”. Fellas, you have no idea how frustrating that is to a woman LOL Though, every now & then he’d slide in a compliment on my outfit, eyeliner or hairstyle & it really keeps the spark from fading out. It’s one thing to know that you look good to everyone else, but to hear it from your partner makes quite the difference. Kind of like the excitement you get from a first date or have your crush notice you for the first time haha I remember someone once commented “you’ve only been together for 3 months? no wonder you’re still in honey moon phase, wait a few years”. 11 yrs later, we still feel as if we’re in that same honey moon phase we were back then because we continue to demonstrate affection & appreciation towards each other not just when alone, but in public also

 

(Wendy) Don’t Be Controlling 

Even though we are both sharing a life together, we still understand that we both have lives of our own hence we give each other space. Of course we had our early days where jealousy was in the air, but we matured quick enough & realised we were being absolute idiots for suffocating each other. It’s good to be able to breathe when you’re in a romantic relationship otherwise why be in one. An over protective partner is incredibly unattractive & we want to be/stay attractive haha We give each other plenty of freedom to continue to be who we are & or change on our own terms, not forced.

One of the great things about Daniel is that he doesn’t get jealous so easily. It takes a great deal for him to feel threatened by another male. This makes me feel comfortable whenever I’m out with my guy friends & this happens often because blogger life means a lot of social events where meeting/connecting with new people is inevitable & ongoing. You may also notice my obsession for bikinis & I post a lot of bikini photos, but Daniel has never restrict me from these things which allows me to continue to be me. Vice versa, I never feel the need to question Daniel of his dates with his girl friends or with any other female. We’ve built a strong foundation of trust & respect for & not to hurt each other so it’s not something that is easily broken. 

 

(Daniel) Have Trust, Don’t Hide Things 

We share everything with each other including pins/passwords, even when we find another person to be physically attractive.. all the above. So the whole scanning your partner’s phone thing is not us & you shouldn’t feel the need to do that also. Not hiding things from your partner is a behaviour that should come naturally & comfortably. A relationship that lacks trust is like setting yourself up for failure. If you are hiding something from your partner then chances are you are probably doing something you shouldn’t or you’re simply not with the right person.

 

(Wendy) Don’t Bring Your Work Home

Just leave your shh at the office. We made this rule when we both entered the corporate life. When you work a 9-5 job then you’ll most likely want to bring work home more & more each time cause shhh gotta get done right? Our corporate jobs started to consume us & we noticed that personal time spent together was becoming less & less due to work. Although, we were progressing in our careers we began to  struggle to continue be the couple that we once were. We made the decision to choose each other as soon as we noticed that work was having a negative impact on our relationship. We stuck by the rule to leave it all at the office before coming home & it worked well for us. Eventually, we both made decisions to leave the corporate life onto bigger, better & healthier lifestyles.

 

(Daniel) Go On Dates 

Before moving in together, we saw each other everyday because we lived 5mins apart. So why do we still need to go on dates? Although, we may be in each others space all day/everyday, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are present especially now that we are more of the what they call “responsible adults” Lol Daniel & I have different personalities & careers so sometimes we will not be present to each other due to work &/or other distractions. It’s very important to keep the relationship alive like how it was when we first started dating which is why once (or sometimes more) a week we will have date day/night where we put our phones aside (depending on the activity) so that we can devote all that time & attention to just each other. We do things that interest us rather than just for the sake of date day/night. Got to remember to still have fun otherwise you’ll die from boredom & so will your relationship. 

Here’s a list of things we’re into for date day/night;

Anime marathon
Road cycling
Kayaking
Picnics
Games at the arcade
PlayStation & computer games (we love playing games, can you tell)
Stargazing
Indoor rock climbing
Play tennis
Hikes
Restaurant hopping (this is a favourite)

Hit the beach
Snuggle at home to watch a movie or 2 or go to the movies

Fine dining (rarely ever do this cause we both have appetites of a whale)

Theme parks 

 

(Wendy) Communicate OftenOpenly & Directly 

This is our most challenging one cause it’s easier said than done at times. We do have a rule to never say “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong?”, not to use the term “whatever” & always ask instead of making assumptions. Communication may be difficult AF sometimes & miscommunication may strike at anytime, but we always try to make the effort to talk about our feelings more directly. When done correctly, resolving issues become effortless & non time consuming. Building useless suspense leads to so many issues & we have been there, done that, now over it.

 

(Wendy) Don’t Get Lazy 

Never let yourself get too comfortable. It’s really important to keep on trying just like how you did in the beginning of your relationship so that you don’t take each other for granted.

Daniel & I now have so much history together so he knows I’ll still love him regardless of however he presents himself, but sometimes he’ll still do his hair before sitting down at the dinner table with me because he knows I’d appreciate the effort. Just like I know how much he loves me without make-up on, but I’ll still freshen up to welcome him home after a long day at work. 

We see so many people, even some of our friends get so “comfortable” where they slowly give up on themselves & become another person to whom they were before entering a relationship. Things that were important to you before going into a relationship (such as grooming yourself, taking care of your health/fitness, putting on makeup, dress to impress yourself & so forth..) Why do those things suddenly get thrown away after meeting your partner? We all know how much our partners love us even when we look like a gronk with drool down one side of our face, but the person whom you’re in a relationship with should always be the one to bring out the best in you. Allowing your partner to become lazy is just demotivating them to strive. 

 

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